Herbert Loses His Voice

A Word from Herbert

"Just When Things Can't Get Any Worse!"

My fishing for sympathy blog (March 2021)

Hello fans.  I'm sorry I haven't blogged sooner this month but I've been proper poorly and I need you to send me sympathy, love, hugs and thoughts. A big thank you to Chester for his blog, or his musings as he called it. His last blog can be found here.

Since the last blog I have been on a rollercoaster of health problems. Well, I say problems but it was only one really but I am going to milk this for all I can.

My story begins at the start of the month, the day before bin day if I recall.  I had found a particularly full bin with some lovely chicken in the top and as you will all know, I'm a sucker for a bit of the old chicken.  I had a good rummage and brought home the spoils of my foraging to eat in the warmth of the hooman's hall.  Unfortunately, I was rumbled and had it taken off me.  This happens a lot and if I'm honest, it's a massive inconvenience.  So I had to go back and find something else to fill my empty belly.  This bin of dreams did not disappoint and I soon found half a sausage which I took back home to eat.  Again, this was cruelly taken from me so off I went again and found the other half of the sausage, went home and that too was confiscated.  Why do the stupid hoomans want me to starve? I just don't get it.

Anyway, the next day I started with a really bad cough and when I say bad, it was one of those hacking coughs that are usually reserved for cinemas or theatres.  I couldn't stop this pesky coughing and it was making me really tired so I had no energy to go out and search for bonus sustainance.

Next thing I know, the stripey box had appeared. Being a cat, I'm a sucker for a box, so jumped straight in and without missing a beat, the stupid hoomans had shut the door and I was trapped.  Moments later I was in the back of their metal moving thing, this I am NOT a fan of.  I decided I would vocalise my opinions on the situation but I opened my mouth and nothing was coming out, not a squeak.  For those who have followed my blogs, you will know that I am well known for voicing my opinions and this was possibly the worst thing that has ever happened to me!

In the confusion I completely missed the point where the stripey box was handed over to someone and I was taken to that place that smells funny.  Thankfully it was Anja that was with me, possibly one of the only hoomans I actually like even though she does stick sharp things into me.  If it was the other one, Richard, I would have been equally happy because he tastes nice when I stick my jaws round his hand!

I had all the unspeakable things done to me and then I was handed back to my stupid hoomans and put back in the metal moving thing.  On the way home I heard them laughing and using the phrase "laryngitis", I had to look that up later. I was shocked to the core, I had never heard of any other cats getting this before. 

Every cloud has a silver lining so the saying goes and it was no different in my case.  Those dry biscuits disappeared and I was getting fed the really good stuff instead, apparently having laryngitis meant I had to only eat posh pouches of food.  I was however walking a tight-rope now, if I showed signs of feeling better the dry stuff would come back so I had to keep that to myself.  I have now perfected the silent meow to evoke the maximum amount of sympathy.  This has meant that dictating my blog has been a longer drawn out affair, hence the delay.

Other Stuff

I have also been asked by my legal team to mention that the physical shop is hoping to reopen on Monday April 12th under current roadmap guides. Personally, I can't wait for the stupid hoomans to leave me alone all day. They are still operating a local delivery and mail order option from the website.  They will be doing this on a Monday, Wednesday and Saturday with a cut-off point of 12noon on the day.

There are some exciting things happening at the shop, the incense range is being massively increased and a bespoke jewellery service will be starting soon as well.  Keep your eye on the social media pages for more information.

There is now a new section on the website called "New Products" which showcases fresh shiny things in the shop.  It will also have returning products in it as well as they come back into stock.


Pedigree Siamese and the most important and beautiful creature to walk the planet.